KevinJissupKim

Dear Dad,

      Sadly, I know that your dying and I know that you might not even be alive after one week.  It wont surprise me if you live for another two weeks though due to your strength and perseverance, but I know that your time is very near.  I’m not really ready to lose you, nor is anyone else.  I remember three years ago when you first found out you had pancreatic cancer and you brought us all downstairs.  You told us to hold our hands together and said to us that were gonna win this as a family.  Once you finished, I went upstairs and hid underneath the blankets so nobody could see me.  I remember crying myself to sleep that night which was a day before I went to Disneyland for band.  I remember you crying on the phone telling your friends and other people that you had this horrible disease.  During freshmen year in winter break, I remember waking up late at night and hearing you and mom talk about how you were standing.  I overheard you say that you only had three months left to live and my mind went numb.  I didn’t tell Ran and went right back to sleep.  I remember you having trouble breathing and walking but like I said because you fought so hard and never gave up.  You knew that you still had a family to take care of.  You recovered from your peril state immediately and it seemed like you never had cancer.  Sophomore year came and we became extremely close.  I started to envy you with all your childhood memories that you told me and I remember you always saying that your going to die sooner than most others.  I couldn’t take that in well so I just nodded and changed the subject.   I remember you telling me that if I couldn’t be generous to people and any living thing, that I wasn’t living life the fullest.   Near the end of the year I remember telling you and mom that I really wanted to visit Korea and see my relatives.  You promised me that we would all go together and we can see Korea.  You told me that you were going to teach me how to drive stick shift since your truck was going to be mine.  You always asked me to buy you a small little house when I grow up and have a family of my own.   You told me to tell my kids to tell them about how great of a father you were.  The night when you took me and my friends out to eat and told them they were all like your sons, was when I knew your time was running out.  My friends always liked you because you were always so kind to them.  For that they donated over a thousand dollars to our family because of your kindness. 

     Right now, you don’t have the energy to walk, stand up, talk, open your eyes for more than 10 minutes, or chew food.  Right now, you are predicted to die within a few days or a week.  Right now, I think that you are the greatest person alive on this earth and one day well be able to visit Korea together, buy you a house, and we could have a conversation like we used to.  We’ll see each other again so don’t worry.  One day I’ll be able to hear you laugh and see you smile again. 

I love you dad…. I’m gonna miss you so much